I'm jealous of your bromance
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
