How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
