Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Randomize
