my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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