he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
