i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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