she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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