I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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