Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
