she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
