That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
