i already hear my dad disowning me
Duck Duck Cougar?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
