I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
