Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
