i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
