why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
