where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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