my shit smells like andre
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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