Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
