He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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