That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
