Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
