And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My dick has a subreddit
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
