Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
