I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
