Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
