I seem to have left my pride at pride
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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