Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
