oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
