Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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