i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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