In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
