Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
