Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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