I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
God, I missed his penis.
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