Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
