omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
