i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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