What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
