I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
