It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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