he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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