The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
