Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
