Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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