just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
