Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
