Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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