Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
