Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
