The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
